One thing that constantly drives fear in me is that I will not reach a state of pride, or approval within myself towards what I accomplish in this life.
I feel the clock that is my life ticking loudly, more so every moment I’m not making the seconds worth it. Opportunities lie at every corner that I pass, but I’m too scared to stop and ask, “Are you here.. waiting, for me?” I feel so
unworthy of opportunities, as if I’ve had all the allotted chances I can have and have wasted each one with an excuse or a bad lie… just to get out of it.
Now I can see Opportunity waiting on corners, with it’s Starbucks latte, and fancy pants suit, and it’s dark, cutting eyes that know me, that know my mistakes and lack of drive all too well. It knows my failures – I am not welcome..
Opportunity, are you leaving me for that young, fresh-out-of-college jet setter? That mom who finally mustered up enough courage to finish her GED and chase her dream? That girl who simply realized her potential and strength that she has what it takes? Yes.
But only because I gave up on myself first. And if I can’t find it in me to love who I am, and to forgive my own mistakes, and to take a leap of faith in myself that I will fly instead of fall, then what does that say about Jesus’ love for me? When I am the last one standing in line to my own performance, my own flop, and everyone has left the show.. Jesus still stands in the silence, in the empty room… Holding out flowers, beaming at me with a heart full of love, with tears in his eyes. He gives me a standing ovation while I stand alone – afraid of the mess I’ve made. He wastes no time on my mishaps, but encourages me to get back up, to reach out again. With HIS love in me, every moment is a fresh start, a new day to begin again. My mistakes are wiped clean… and the opportunities? They are INFINITE.