Dear Sweet Silas,
This week has been a very exciting week for your Daddy and I. I will explain it all to you. See, since right before your birth, we have been trying to figure out our messy living situation. Ideally at the time, we’d have had a perfect little home, with a white picket fence. We would have had lovely neighbors who we could invite over to have play dates and share dinner with us. “Perfect” wasn’t part of our plan, as I have found out on our journey. It has been one bumpy ride, with not much stability or structure. I used to find that very stressful, and I still do at times, but I’ve also learned to appreciate the situation we are in, because it has been a big learning experience for me. A good one. I have learned so much about the importance of having patience, and about the joy of sharing closeness with family. We couldn’t have been placed in a better situation to get us to where we need to be to prepare ourselves for take off, and I look back now and am in awe of all the ways I’ve been able to see God’s work in such fine and intricate detail.
We have been living with your Mommaw and Poppaw since last September. That was when we received news that we would have to move out of the home we were renting, due to the owners moving back in.
It was a big stress in our lives at the point we found out. We had no idea what we’d do; where we’d go. We were overcome with uncertainty and anxiety with only a couple of months left before your arrival.
We searched for other places to rent, but they were all too expensive or not in safe areas.
We considered taking out a loan to buy a home, but we knew you’d need medical attention after birth and weren’t sure how long I would need to stay out of work. That seemed to be too risky of a leap. We wouldn’t want to buy our first home as a family and immediately fall in to default or have something go wrong.
So with only a couple of weeks left before our move out date, your Mommaw and Poppaw, with their huge and caring hearts, opened up their home to us and took us in. Their selflessness at that time was enough to bring me to tears. It’s not easy to have a house full and then to have to create more room for four other people and two dogs, but they did. I know it hasn’t been easy for them, and as much as they love us, I know they are ready to have their space back. It has had it’s ups and downs, but mostly ups. I have enjoyed getting to bond more with everyone. Carson loves that your Uncle Cole is only a hallway away, and is enjoying all the attention from his grandparents. You are loving all the attention, too.
You ended up being in the hospital for about a month and a half. Blessings in disguise became evident one by one. Since we were with you the entire time, having rent, power and water, garbage, internet and (other miscellaneous expenses to be responsible for with renting or owning a home) would have been overwhelming and actually impossible since your father and I were out of work.
I have been out of work since October, and a friend of mine just opened a position for me to work with her and her sister in helping make costumes, clothing and other crafty things. I am so excited to start since this is what I went to school to do and haven’t had a chance to pursue my dreams since you and your brother became my greatest responsibility (I wouldn’t trade you for anything). Most of the work I am able to do from home, which is great since you need a lot of care and attention right now.
The best kind of news (in terms of our living situation) came the other day when your father and I applied for a mortgage and got approved. God is so good and I can’t wait to move forward in the process of buying our first home together. It’s going to take patience and probably lots of time, but the reward in the end will be so worth it. It won’t be a great big house with a perfect white fence and we probably won’t have immaculate updates or granite counter tops, but it will be our stomping ground, our place of secrets, stories and memories. It will be messy, imperfect and so much love will fill the air, along with the smell of warm out-of-the-oven cookies. I can’t wait to have a wall that I can measure you both as you grow, or have a chair in a cozy part of the house that we can cuddle up and read stories in. I can’t wait to hang stockings at Christmas and hunt eggs in the yard at Easter. I look forward to sharing God with you both in your rooms and the times we invite family and friends over to spend time with them. I think about life starting at that point, but life has begun and this will just be our next chapter to a crazy, eventful and beautiful life together.
I was so happy to hear that news, and I feel with deep confidence in us that the best has yet to come. There is nothing we can’t do. All that this struggle has done has taught each of us the importance of patience during pressure and uncertainty, and to be still before God; to listen and let Him guide us. I haven’t been the best listener, but your daddy has been the encouragement I’ve needed when I have felt like I was drowning. He is so strong. A lot has gone “wrong” or been difficult to handle over the last few months and he has been so uplifting, letting me know it would be okay, not to worry. I don’t know where I’d be without him. I hope that you both will have his strong character as you grow older, his honesty, his generosity, his calm and caring nature. I hope that he will instill in you the importance of family and how to be loving towards whomever you meet along the line. I have never doubted him, though we may fight at times, but there is no one I’d rather be taking on this life with than him, and my two beautiful little guys.
Happy days ahead. I can just feel it!
I love all three of you so much.
Goodnight, baby bear.