What a tough little boy you have proven yourself to be this past week of life. You have stormed through some very difficult, almost devastating situations in flying colors. Do you realize how far you have come since that Tuesday afternoon when you made your entrance in to our lives? I have accomplished things in life, but you have far exceeded my accomplishments. You and your brother both, you are strong little men and I am so proud to call you mine.
This place is a happy place at times, especially when I am with you. It’s very sad sometimes though. Seeing babies coming in, the heart ache on the parents faces. The uncertainty of what is come.
Your father and I have seen babies that go days and days (and there are those who are never visited at all) without the love and bond we often associate as what parents should be offering their sick babies. It is hard to see, because I cannot imagine not being there for you and comforting you. More than that, you are my comfort. I can’t imagine the wreck I would be if I couldn’t see your face every day.
You have scared us many times. Your father spent one night with you when your levels dropped tremendously. Your oxygen started bottoming out and they had to bump it up to help you recover. I wasn’t there. Your brother and I were sound asleep, but what a nervous wreck I was the next day, and so anxious to get to you.
You will never understand me, I can guarantee this, until you are old enough to have your own children and give your heart away.
There will be times that you will drive me crazy; it is inevitably going to happen. There are going to be times when you spill your food on a shiny mopped floor and I am going to cry in my overwhelmed stage of exhaustion. There will be more times than not that you will be reprimanded for things you shouldn’t have done.
But all those things don’t matter in hindsight. At the end of the day, we stick together. This family is strong and the love never stops. Our love is infinite and your story has proven that true.
Thank you for being such a blessing in our lives.
My Carson and my Silas, what a huge impact you’ve made in our lives, for such tiny little guys.